saint_of_me (saint_of_me) wrote in daemons_group,

Avoiding contact?

My Dad keeps calling me. I keep not calling back.

This would be okay, if I liked my Dad. The problem with not liking my Dad is that I'm not terribly sure why I don't like him.

Ever talk to somebody and feel like you've gotten cooties from them? Oh, that sounds stupid, but it's how my Dad makes me feel. Three other guys give me the particular creeps my Dad does. One only seems to be a bit of a womanizer. One may have raped a friend of mine when she was drunk (she's 24, he's 40 something.) One sneaks into young girls rooms and, well, molests them.* And yeah, I felt this way about them before I found out what they did.

What's my Dad done? Nothing, that I know of. Well, he married and divorced my Mom, had a mistress (who he also cheated on repeatedly with other women) and certain things he does seem a bit...lewd. He persistently circles things with his finger. I mean, if he has the steering wheel, or a glass, or a knob, he'll circle the rim of it slowly. He always plays with the emergency brake in the car while he's driving, rubbing his thumb on the metal tip. I hate the way he eats. It's too loud, it makes me sick. I hate the way he moves, the sound of his voice, the way he walks quietly. I don't even like listening to messages he leaves on the phone.

You know what's really crazy? And here I'm going to make myself sound like a troll or a whack job. A couple times when I was around him I found that if I could knock on something three times I'd feel like I was shielded from him a bit. I could also hold some salt (and yes, I know the significance of this, the whole witch circle of salt thing that totally doesn't jive with medieval times at all if you ask me) in my hand, then cast it between myself and him and feel better.

All in favor that I should:
1) Stop whining and call him.
2) Have regression therapy even though I swear I never blacked out in my life, and remember things very well.
3) Trust my instincts and stay away from him.
4) Other?

*The list includes my sister and his wife's cousin. When I was invited to sleep over by his daughter when I was 10 or so he came into the room where I was the only one sleeping just to, "check on me" repeatedly. Each time I told him to go away and he did. I told him he had a wife and kids who loved him and he should go to them.
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